filling up his arms with flowers

four nights in a row i want nothing more than to go to bed with an exception of what is too far away. im the happy kid. im. i think to god damned fast. so much is coming up. portland soon, touring, colorado with ashley, recording.. fuck. the only words i can ever think of are the dumbest. ive been thinking so much about dandelions lately. i love the thought of some one seeing someones heart; where they are coming from and not what they give. a child giving a mother weeds is beautiful in my eyes. i used to make toast with my little sister amy for my parents.. it was the most god awful tasting thing she can recall ingesting but she did because we made then to the best of our abilities and out of love. i wish so much people could see my love through my mistakes and fucked up outcomes. lucas, last night, said if you deny it it didnt happen. have i been doing this with this longing for sleep.. not wanting to hangout with loved ones.. hating myself? fuck. i have the worst addictions. i am fucking useless. i have this image in my head of the walls in my room filling with water. i know they are filling but i "think positive and dont worry about it," but that doesnt stop them from filling. soon, they will collapse from the weight of the water and the shitty wood this house was built with. fuck.