set on kennewick

a sunset resting on my shoulders, so quickly, becomes a sunrise over kennewick with another day to follow soon after. how much can be expected of a kid? we set our sails and pray for a cooperating wind. i rising sun will be the end of my day till i grow enough to know better. luck of children will get me by. i wish the sun would never come up on this town.

susan b.

'go too fast and lose control.' wow, it has been somewhere around five years or so sense my grand ma died. susan. i loved her so much. i learned so much about the world and myself from this spacy loving woman. she made me feel safe.. not only did i feel it, i was safe. she loved me. she didnt care if i went to college or even finished high school. she didnt care what i did she love me and was incredibly prod of me. my grand ma sue was one of my best friends rivaled only by my sister. i could always make them laugh. i miss making her laugh. i miss playing mastermind with her. i miss finally getting my license and having the freedom to go over to her home as often as i wanted to. you could hear trains pass near by from the room of her clifton home. when she was sixty five her lugs began to give up. they never worked as hard as they should have and decided they had had enough. she moved to an assisted living home and was given a matter of days to live. family rushed to colorado from all over california and arizona. we all got it. i was told she look like shit. my beautiful grand ma was going to die and was showing of it. she was weak and relied on machines and pills to shoulder the weight of her last ounce of life. she was never a 'fighter.' i hated the idea of seeing one of the most beautiful women i had ever seen reduced to a frail fragment of what she was. i did not want to see her like that. i wanted to keep the memory of her laughing and enjoying my company. i did not want to see her die. i had to fight my parents and other family members to preserve a positive memory of my soon to die grand mother. one day my mom called me begging me join my family and my grand ma sues side. after putting up the fight of my life guilt and my mothers words got the best of me. i was about to shader the image i wanted nothing more than to preserve. i got my keys and left the front door of my house open as i headed for my car. after sitting im my shitty nineteen eighty nine cadillac for a half hour or so i turned the engine over, turned left on broken spoke, then right and headed down paterson. i could barely see through the tears in my eyes. i felt so desperate. my chest was so tight. i was scared. shit. i couldnt breath. the further i got from my home the worse the anxiety was. when i could muster a breath i would expel it screaming. my chest got so tight. my stomach was in knots. i became more and more desperate with every rotation of my tires. my mind was racing. i was sobbing and fighting hyperventilating. i started to let my eyes close. i flirted with the idea of letting anything happen. my chest grew tighter. i couldnt gather a breath. i saw cars stopped ahead of me but did not remove my foot form the execrator. i didnt care about anything. i dint care what happened to me. i removed my seat belt and braced for impact. i closed my eyes. i couldnt hear or feel anything. after what felt like forever.. crash. my heart was beating so fast. i knew what happened but i could not comprehend it. after some time of being yelled at by the owner of the truck that now had a radiator wrapped around his tow hitch i got out and walked around the two entangled vehicles until i could not cry any more. i had evaded destroying the memory of a beautiful laughing woman that i loved. two days later a little after nine oclock in the morning my dad was at my grand mas house watching an audry hepburn film. after it ended my dad stood up to take the tape out and commented on how pretty miss hepbern was.. my grand mother did not respond. she was gone. he held her hand and told her that he loved her and felt one tear fall on each one of his cheeks. i dont know if i made the right or wrong decision not to see her before she died. i miss her. i always think of her laughing. i miss her.

this is

us at rays

trigh c

I hate this town more than I could have ever imagined. The songs make it bearable but the kids make it a pleasure. I love them.. I love you. This isn't my home, with you is.