susan

i only have two keys hanging form my belt. one holds no importance the others to my grand mas house. unnecessary and loud. i guess its a lot like me. ill always keep her key close and without need. she always locked her door. she never needed to in a home with no one that she couldnt trust. i wish that i was there more. so now ill keep her key. it was just her second nature. i wish that she was here. god damn it i fucking miss her.

weare the botton

look ant see. look to youreself and look to me. care thats all i ask. im screaming and my throat is wearing thin. was there nothing that you could do. at what what point would you say that you didnt care about the words that fell from between your teeth that made it harder for us to breath. how does it feel knowing this town shall perish and its gonna be because of you. you didnt light the match but you alone constructed the fuse. i hope your happy cause everyone is looking at you.

i hate the smiths.

names fall from your mouth like rain on the coast. names and labels. youll come pretty close but you wont find shit not here. you can talk talk talk with your finger tips. hold your breath that you wont get caught. you wouldnt want that here. turn up the lights forget our names were all just kids. theres no one here. cross your legs and close your mouth we dont care who youve fucked. theres no one here. drop your names and expose yourself. your you fucking die for this. theres no one here. turn up the lights turn up the lighs we want to see how cool you are. theres no one here. sing one song for the rest of your life one that you dont really like one that you dont understand. by this you breath and die. names and labels.

blue bridge.

i know this breath could be my last one. i could take two steps and this could be done. i want to jump i want to jump. but i wont fuck i made a promise. wo knew this promise would be so hard to keep. im sinking fast and i just wish that you would all come and join me. this could all end but ill stay here too keep this feeling of riding with you in this season. lets fill our hearts or fill our lungs. i will not leap unless youre all with me. i will not leave. fuck this bridge lets burn it down we need to keep our word. i wish that i could keep this a secret but i trust youve pitched all yours. lets fill our lungs or fill our hearts.

awkward april

eighteen months and sixteen days hating the words that you say. you wont let up over and out. i hate your tone and what you talk about. its been over a year with no letting up. i just wish you gave a fuck. i wont shit up im gonna shout. youre gonna heat what i think now. the word desperate comes to mind. your selfishness and all my time. one million thoughts in just seconds. empty pages a clear mind. ill be so god damned fucking loud and when i look back at the end of the day im hating every single word that you say. eighteen months and now seventeen days. this wont go away. eighteen months and now eighteen days. this wont go away. eighteen months and now nineteen days. eighteen months and now twenty fucking days. cleaver gestures and well thought out replies. i havent been home sense twenty nine sixty five. we are so fucked up. we are so fucked up. we are so fucked up. we are so fucked up. so god damn fucked up.you made us this way bitter and jealous at the age of nineteen. you used us now we use them. we are so fucked up. theres a pressure on my chest and a knot in my throat all of the time. we are so fucked up. so god damn fucked up. fucked up.

filling up his arms with flowers

four nights in a row i want nothing more than to go to bed with an exception of what is too far away. im the happy kid. im. i think to god damned fast. so much is coming up. portland soon, touring, colorado with ashley, recording.. fuck. the only words i can ever think of are the dumbest. ive been thinking so much about dandelions lately. i love the thought of some one seeing someones heart; where they are coming from and not what they give. a child giving a mother weeds is beautiful in my eyes. i used to make toast with my little sister amy for my parents.. it was the most god awful tasting thing she can recall ingesting but she did because we made then to the best of our abilities and out of love. i wish so much people could see my love through my mistakes and fucked up outcomes. lucas, last night, said if you deny it it didnt happen. have i been doing this with this longing for sleep.. not wanting to hangout with loved ones.. hating myself? fuck. i have the worst addictions. i am fucking useless. i have this image in my head of the walls in my room filling with water. i know they are filling but i "think positive and dont worry about it," but that doesnt stop them from filling. soon, they will collapse from the weight of the water and the shitty wood this house was built with. fuck.