my mom always told me to follow thoughts all the way though. what i mean is, we cant let our thoughts, or beliefs, rather, be surface level. anyway i applied this idea to all of my beliefs and realized i didn't really have a strong connection to a lot of things, including straight edge. when i was younger.. probably fifteen of sixteen, i was always in trouble. no shit, i was always fucking grounded. anyway one day i got sick of being in trouble with my parents so i made a decision to 'just be good.' i told my cousin nate about it and when i told him i was done smoking, drinking, and taking drugs he told me 'oh, so your straight edge.' that was how it all began. it was a nice ride too. it probably kept me out of trouble and focused on school.. haha yeah right, but i do believe it was a very important part of my life and good for me. well, years later i was thinking sxe all the way through and sort of realized i didn't have a passion for it anymore.. i didn't really care at all. i made the decision i was gonna drop the title and move on with life. i lost a lot of friends..
im breathing in deeper. your still listening. i can hear you breathing on the other end of the line. im breathing in deeper. your still listening. i can hear you breathing on the other side of the wall. you cant stand the shit that rolls off my tongue. you shit on your friends and you fuck, fuck, everyone. im not edge, ive grown up a bit. its a little different but who gives a shit? why are you looking? why would anyone care? why are you looking? why? who are you? shit who am i? you think your jesus fucking christ. shit who am i? breathing in deeper. your still listening. the floor is fucking moving and im still not fitting in. maybe it was something more. ill burry my head to forget all of this shit.
coming down has proven hard from chairs stacked high but i'm not looking very far. we're both so quick to look down form our stack, but we'll never ever see the shit thats on our own back. save your breath don't waste it on me. shit, look around we're all you'll see. we'll send each other to hell till theres nothing left. its the same smoke that fills both of our chests. i breath in deep. i close my eyes. i want to find two nine six five. i want to be dreaming. dreams dont hold regret. regret is holding me. ill never open my eyes again i never want to see. i want to be deaming of home.
often, i think, 'if i didn't add the label to not drinking i might not of lost those friends.' labels are a weird thing like that. i think the straight edge label is an extraordinarily powerful one. if you are edge you get to say, 'fuck all every one who drinks!' ha it's a power i do not understand. one, why do straight edge bands have the golden pass to talk shit about anyone who drinks or smokes or whatever? two, why would they want to? i, now, think straight edge can be as harmful as some one consuming drugs or alcohol. bottom line neither matter and i think we should work together. we are all humyns and need to remember it. we need to follow thoughts all the way through. learning and growing should not be condemned. i followed my dislike for marijuana all the way through and realized i didn't have anything solid to base hate on (p.s. you should look into the prohibition of marijuana. the documentaries "grass," "the union" and "high" are all a good watch and have great information). i'm my mind its amazing that i learned and grew.. in some poison free minds i sold out. whatever though i guess. they can choose to throw me aside based on a positive decision. we are all trying our best.
