i've got five on it.

"when will 'my country' die for me?"
no one has ever died for me.
no soldiers.
"when will 'my country' die for me?"
no one has ever died.
no saviors.

i don't give a shit,
my home is where i am,
you can take your worthless papers and set them on fire.
i don't fucking care
just who you think you are,
we have never met and,
i am. i am god, i am thee.

we found a witch, may we burn her? 6.66

your a patriot. your a sucker. you're a god fearing motherfucker. nine to five. strong on your side. cashing 'hella checks' keeps you feeling alive. who draws these shifting lines we are sold to bow down to? you're secure in your numbers. we're secure in your clock. rejoice, oh rejoice in our heresy. so praise your god part the sea. look the other way while you pray for me. do you think god can smell the cigarettes as he slowly kissing my neck? in this crusade we will die too. eat skin and piss with all parts in between. collect in excess the things that we need. no mater how much we know. no mater how much we know. ah shit, it doesnt matter. it'll never matter. i cannot understand how you cant see through this. i cannot understand. i'll never understand. no time. no option. no escape form your war. we are debts on your fathers. with our faces on the floor. in this fleeting present. i can see through this. uniforms, a disguise. fuck your flag. it's what were told. it's what we know. it's what we believe so. praise your gods and part the sea. i'll tell you what dont even pray for me. eat skin and piss and all parts in between. success, success is everything. in this crusade we will die too. rejoice oh rejoice in our heresy. oh well. oh well.

being all you can be?

There is no peace in war,
nor is it a logical means.
It is interests and profits
that you sign up to kill and die for.

we found a witch, may we burn her?

all we are is politics
dumbshits and their presidents
stories of gods and money, leaders and lies
no matter how much we know
theres no where for us to go
save the witches
do think that god can smell the cigarettes
as he as slowly kisses my neck
eat skin and piss and all parts in between
praise your god and part the sea
its my decision if i want to live anymore
i could spread my brain
all over this floor
save the witches
in this crusade we will die too

you guys tell ing jokes?

a 'democrat' is a 'republican' that thinks they are liberal-thinking. boom roasted. haha

towers fall?

"progressive talk radio" = "(D) bigot"
if this radio was progressive they wouldn't use slurs like 'retard' when talking about republicans, or anyone, or ever.
show your true colors.

you'll say retard.. why dont you say faggot?

if you say faggot why not say nigger?

"you bigots.."

What plagues us.

The hardest part of the last five, or so, years has been the changing of my beliefs as i grow up. When you find out there are no magic characters giving you presents in the middle of the night it's hard to know what is real and what is a lie form your parents. That feeling of not knowing what is a lie and what is 'real' never goes away I guess. when I was fifteen i questioned god. when i was eighteen i had no faith in any god or religion. am i a shitty person.. a sellout?
my mom always told me to follow thoughts all the way though. what i mean is, we cant let our thoughts, or beliefs, rather, be surface level. anyway i applied this idea to all of my beliefs and realized i didn't really have a strong connection to a lot of things, including straight edge. when i was younger.. probably fifteen of sixteen, i was always in trouble. no shit, i was always fucking grounded. anyway one day i got sick of being in trouble with my parents so i made a decision to 'just be good.' i told my cousin nate about it and when i told him i was done smoking, drinking, and taking drugs he told me 'oh, so your straight edge.' that was how it all began. it was a nice ride too. it probably kept me out of trouble and focused on school.. haha yeah right, but i do believe it was a very important part of my life and good for me. well, years later i was thinking sxe all the way through and sort of realized i didn't have a passion for it anymore.. i didn't really care at all. i made the decision i was gonna drop the title and move on with life. i lost a lot of friends..

im breathing in deeper. your still listening. i can hear you breathing on the other end of the line. im breathing in deeper. your still listening. i can hear you breathing on the other side of the wall. you cant stand the shit that rolls off my tongue. you shit on your friends and you fuck, fuck, everyone. im not edge, ive grown up a bit. its a little different but who gives a shit? why are you looking? why would anyone care? why are you looking? why? who are you? shit who am i? you think your jesus fucking christ. shit who am i? breathing in deeper. your still listening. the floor is fucking moving and im still not fitting in. maybe it was something more. ill burry my head to forget all of this shit.

coming down has proven hard from chairs stacked high but i'm not looking very far. we're both so quick to look down form our stack, but we'll never ever see the shit thats on our own back. save your breath don't waste it on me. shit, look around we're all you'll see. we'll send each other to hell till theres nothing left. its the same smoke that fills both of our chests. i breath in deep. i close my eyes. i want to find two nine six five. i want to be dreaming. dreams dont hold regret. regret is holding me. ill never open my eyes again i never want to see. i want to be deaming of home.

often, i think, 'if i didn't add the label to not drinking i might not of lost those friends.' labels are a weird thing like that. i think the straight edge label is an extraordinarily powerful one. if you are edge you get to say, 'fuck all every one who drinks!' ha it's a power i do not understand. one, why do straight edge bands have the golden pass to talk shit about anyone who drinks or smokes or whatever? two, why would they want to? i, now, think straight edge can be as harmful as some one consuming drugs or alcohol. bottom line neither matter and i think we should work together. we are all humyns and need to remember it. we need to follow thoughts all the way through. learning and growing should not be condemned. i followed my dislike for marijuana all the way through and realized i didn't have anything solid to base hate on (p.s. you should look into the prohibition of marijuana. the documentaries "grass," "the union" and "high" are all a good watch and have great information). i'm my mind its amazing that i learned and grew.. in some poison free minds i sold out. whatever though i guess. they can choose to throw me aside based on a positive decision. we are all trying our best.

asshole

haha god bless these two pageant winners

zine no.3

let me know if you want one.

what am i doing?

fuck fuck fuck i need to be playing shows.

mass nerder

holly shit. i feel like nine times out of ten when we go to a show nine out of ten kids are full of shit. i fucking love that The Descendents wrote this song.

Don't got no goatee
Don't got no tattoo
Don't got no nose ring
Don't wanna be like you

Check out these glasses
So I'll never be cool
Always get my assed kick
When I get to school

Don't worry about image
Don't got no attitude
I know I won't get laid
If I wont be like you!

Don't got no biceps
Don't got no pecks
But I'll read you under the table
With my thick specks

See I got these glasses
So they kick my ass
But I'll kick their asses
When I get to class

I got these glasses
So I can't wear shades
I'll kick their asses
I'll get good grades

Gonna kick their asses in class
Gonna kick their asses in class
Gonna kick their asses in class
Gonna get good grades!

I can't get rid of the times
Can't stop the party line
Don't know what the scenes about
Don't tell me to mellow out!

Don't got no goatee
No fucking safety pin
No I ain't no junkee
Don't got no heroin

Don't got no styling lotion
Don't wanna live by the ocean
Just wanna be myself
All you poseurs go to hell!

Gonna kick their asses in class
Gonna kick their asses in class
Gonna kick their asses in class
Gonna get good grades!

Asses in class
Asses in class
Asses in class

Asses in class
Asses in class
Asses in class

Asses in class
Asses in class
Asses in class

We must read
We must read
We must read
We must read
RRRREEEEAAAADDDD!

Somebody get me a book!

l & a

law and order are two words that are put together frequently in describing what those who are in authority over us do for us. law makers, police, judges... they keep law an order right? fuck that shit. what happens when law conflicts with order? here we go. the bill of rights is what america was quote, un-quote founded on but holds little to no relevance today. heres where law and order come in, the law says we have freedoms that at times may challenge the order of those that strive for absolute power. for example: the right to free speech may conflict with the order of mindless sheep-like people that follow anything those in power over them tell them to do, so it is taken. almost all of our freedoms are gone. haha, but we live in a great country.. move to canada.. were so free.. blah blah blah. fuck off. the rights that this country were founded on are shit on by cops, politicians, judges.. and they are not the only one. we shit all over this country by not standing up to them. we shit all over what the bill of rights stands for by being quiet and letting them rape our freedom. if you believe in freedom burn a flag or start a riot.. sink the country in the ocean.. kill yourself.

'our state'

it doesnt matter whos in office.. if its bush, obama, or jesus fucking christ. we live in a police state and that will not change.

holy shit i guess im home?

tewnty nine sixty five with you and somewhere on i five. i want to be home. i want to have a home. a few more months and i will have a real home again.. two homes. we will go out again and we will begin the rest of our lives. i guess at this point im taking baby steps to where i want to be. i just fucking hate when the steps arent big enough.. when i feel too far away i hear someone say my name. i feel someone following me. fuck fuck. how can i rely on stabuility. right now at this second i have one thing but shes seven hours away and working. god damn it. i will be fine i just need to stick it out.. thats what she said.

zine no.2

i made a few zines so hit me up if you want one. also i just recorded 99 problems. its on my purevolume.

'why are we here?'

the first hardcore show i saw in denver was killing kings rebuild and some other local denver bands at sox place. i dont remember much about that show aside from loving rebuild and ever sense answering, "the music and the message," every time someone would ask "why are you here." it was a line form a killing kings son that i got stuck in my head and repeated every chance i got.. you know me you get how bad i am about that haha. i never thought much about a music in hardcore.. all i saw was dudes that were hard as fuck. on the surface hardcore was gigantic dudes 'dancing' super hard when a breakdown would kick and other mammoth dudes running back and forth across the 'pit' into my face the rest of the time. bands i saw would sing about 'repping their streets' and fighting everyone. i swear to go i heard, "step it up you faggot pussies! rep your scene!" seventeen times a band every show. being hard was happenin'! quickly i began hardcore bands in a larger spectrum. everyonw and then i would hear a line in a song or hear the singer of a band say something that would make me think. i liked it. i started getting off on people or bands challenging me to think and question. i had heard some of it before from listening to punk rock for years but was too young to care at that point. i was hearing people talk about about things my parents and authoritative figures wouldnt tell me if they knew. reluctant to change my thinking or give another way of thinking a shot i began to look at some of these issues and ideas. i thought if people felt strongly enough to dump all their money into being able to scream their throat raw every night it was worth a look. these people began to push me to examine many areas of my life and challenged me too look for my own things to care enough about to look into. the words "the music and the message," made so much more sense to me now.. man thats hella corny but its true. i learned that punk rock and hardcore arent for main stream people.. but for people looking for something more and that could see through all the shit. these people arent scared to challenge anyones thoughts or come up with their own. punk rock and hardcore is one of the places kids can turn when they decide they dont want to live the drone lives they are told to. we dont give a fuck about mtv, the oc, what fox news or cnn are telling us. without that vial we can look at things in a different light.. or as they really are.
lets side step for a second. on tv, on the radio, on the street, and where we eat we are told what to be, how to look, what to say. all fucking day people are shoving shit down our throats! .. fuck bitches in the club, wear these clothes, eat fast food, consume, consume, consume, believer whatever any authority figure tells you and most importantly DONT ASK QUESTIONS. fuck all that shit right?
okay, half a step back to where we were. we are punk and hardcore we are better than all that consumer shit, right? we dont need all that garbage.. we dont want it, right?
anyway, the more i became familiar with hardcore the more i saw all this awesome shit that made me think and work harder and educate myself. i wanted more. i dove deeper and deeper and became fairly surrounded with it. i would have never guessed what i found.. did you guess it? haha i began to see the shit we so boastfully talk so much shit about hating. i got the vibe there were kids who hated mtv and the government because they were told to. the ideals of punk and hardcore became a fucking fashion. turns out there are standards and hierarchy.. and fuck bitches and get paid was there too. we need 'croosh' clothes too! you better get some banging swag if you want to move up in calss.. without that fresh gear you wont get any respect. "your not into vinyl.. what a dork." god damn it became hard for me to keep all the shit i was supposed to be doing straight haha. i saw people 'dancing' super hard not because they were oumped but because thats what you are supposed to do. oh shit, and they would make fun of other kids cause they didnt have 'tight moves!' and christ the fucking politics! people seem, too often, to forget that we are a community not a fucking class war. we 'hate' establishment but we build our own. we fuck away our self respect and whore ourselves for 'status' in the 'scene.'
fuck all this consumer driven shit! fuck having to fit a mold! fuck this mini version of the mainstream! i sometimes find it easy to get wrapped up in being pissed at all of this hypocrisy. i hate the lack of heart, the consumption as opposed to support the profit, the hierarchy, the bullshit, blah blah blah.. but every now and then someone rolls around and renews my faith in what we have. i find people to remind me to get out of my own ass and cool it cause there are people who (you guessed it) give a shit about (oh man cue the triumphant music and cheesy lines) the music and the message. haha. i cant tell you how much it means to me to find these people. kids that work hard to put on shows out of their love for punk rock and hardcore not for recognition. kids that work toward building a community. kids that push others to learn and question. kids that dont give a fuck and see through the stupid dumbshit politics and everything else. i truly feel that the punk rock and hardcore community is incredibly important. the worlds bullshit doesnt have a foothold here. this is one of the few places that people dont listen to whatever they are told. if punk and hardcore loses its sense of community, lack of conspicuous consumption, caring, and fearlessness of authority there will be less people to fight against these things and spread a knowledge of them and encouragement to ask questions. it scares the shit out of me to think that something so so important could be lost to nikes and bullshit. i do, however, have faith that we are strong and have enough people that give a shit to remain strong. i know that its is something worth holding onto.
dont get me wrong in all of this i dotn think im the shit by any means haha.
i also dont think that all songs should be about social change.. i love hangout songs! i just just feel we have something important and it needs to remain.

more than behold night!

for real, tonight was amazing. BEHOLD BEHOLD BEHOLD. i fucking love these guys so fucking much. i can not tell you how much it means that i have these guys in my life. not only that they make the best music ever. go listen to them right now. not only were those dudes here but we got to hang out with rheah again. man i love that girl! that was the good part about tonight the second best thing about tonight is sense the behold guys were here we decided to call some kids and play in our basement. this was by far the funnest show ever! lucas drilled my head with his bass though and kinda broke it open. ha oh well it was amazing. i wish ashley was here real bad. anyay im gonna try to sleep again. be good and thanks to everyone in my life.

bonnie ave

chasing the daylight grasping for time. twenty five is when i will end my life. i will get a fist full of pills that i plan to ingest.. but wait let me explain before i tell you the rest. its not because of my mental health. i dont want the attention and i dont want help. its not because of my self loathing or that you would all better off.. even though you would. i think about it alot. it is just.

cops

at what point is it worth standing up for what is right and going home at night?

this is

us at rays